Thursday, 4 November 2010

'I wouldn't advise putting obese children on skateboards'

Our visit today was a fun-filled trip to City Hall. The Hall itself was, I have to say, a bit of a disappointment - part of the reason I had trouble finding it was because I couldn't believe the rather drably modern jelly mould of a building was really what I was looking for. Luckily, I did get to see London Bridge, which was much more exciting. I felt like quite the tourist!

Another disappointment was the complete non-appearance of Boris, although Jonesy (my Welsh classmate - can't actually remember if Jones is his surname or not, but I'm lazy with these aliases, as you may have noticed) did manage to get some semi-bigwig to slag him off, which was entertaining. Apparently, he doesn't have 'vision', which may explain the somewhat screwed-up expression usually gracing his overbred face.

We sat through a briefing on child obesity, which was mostly pointless - the only new thing I learned was that one in four British Households doesn't have a dining table. I'm not sure the figures were adjusted for student houses, though, which may explain quite a lot. Mostly I sat there thinking Is this really news to you? And Why won't the American bimbo shut up about New York? She even set Monopoly (his name sounds like a popular boardgame (well, popular with rather sad people over a certain age, just like him) and it wasn't a leap) off, although I suspect we would have heard from him anyway (but complaining about someone's hard-earned skyline is just going too far).

There was a talk about what exactly whoever these people were do, but I'm afraid I was distracted by hunger (exacerbated by the earlier presence of a Dominoes man, who could not shut up about that fresh, fresh pizza (although he did make me snort audibly when he said (somewhat proudly) that children don't buy Dominoes because they can't afford it - apparently everyone's fourth choice of pizza provider has in fact been aware that their prices are extortionate for some time (he also mentioned that their average customer tends to order pizza once a month - I bet if they checked their figures they'd find it was quite close to the beginning of the month) and cheerfully cite it as a business strategy. If I ever needed another reason to turn my back on their overpriced flim-flammery, he gave me one (I must also add that all these chicken strippers and cookies and so forth that people keep telling me are excellent reasons to keep paying through the nose are not even that good. Our favourite place in Norwich kept giving us free drinks and desserts, but apparently it only counts if it's coming from an enormous franchise)) and a swivel chair at that point, so I can't enlighten you.

Afterwards (and much to Superchef's disgust, as he wanted to catch his train and is less than fond of heights) we were taken up to the 9th floor balcony to look at the illuminated skyline. It was bloody cold, but also really gorgeous, and something we'd never ordinarily be able to do, so thanks to Mr Public Affairs Teacher for that (although I wish he'd just accept the baldness and get a haircut).

I come home via a pastry counter and WHSmuh (as I like to call it), and have thus eaten far too much and need to go on an urgent diet (preferably one that involves eating whatever I like and sleeping lots, as this is the only sort of lifestyle I have ever been able to stick to) lest I balloon like an 8-year-old.

I would like to take this opportunity to say to those poor, semi-enfranchised underground workers: suck it up and get back to work. I managed to organise a journey across town and I wasn't even being paid for it. The more you strike, the more people will realise they can manage without you, and then you'll be stuck in the ring with the Boris-bull and no red hanky. So there.

P.S.: Forgot to say, the title is something one of the people in the meeting actually said, which just about made the whole thing worth getting out of bed for. (Well, that and the fact that the rather tasty young man who said it (although Superchef may well argue that the policeman giving evidence yesterday was better-looking) was the child health advisor for Jamie's School Dinners, which makes him practically a celebrity.) (Although he is soundly trumped by Jonesy's story about playing football with the lead singer from The Arctic Monkeys (I was so impressed, I didn't even tell him about that evening the boyf and I so thoroughly confused Ed Byrne))

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